Ben Shephard

As another year and another decade begins I like to look back at where I’ve been on my journey that is my life and where I’m going in the future. Looking back at the last year things have gone pretty well apart from the odd hiccup. I’ve met some wonderful people some of whom have had a big influence on me. For the first time ever I’m starting the year with someone who I think will be beside me for years to come. Over the decade I’ve had a total of four partners all of whom were very different and changed me in different ways to create the person I am today. I’ve learnt that sometimes things aren’t what they seem and sometimes there comes a point when you can’t even continue a friendship and have to shut each other out completely. This is the conclusion I came to after my trip to the USA in the summer of last year. Sometimes it’s better to just walk away and remember the good parts, forget the rest and never return. I tried to avoid saying it in my blog post when I got home but it was a week of torture. There is nothing quiet like being trapped in a foreign country and not being able to stand being with the only person you know for thousands of miles. I came very close to leaving when she wasn’t looking but couldn’t help thinking where would I have gone and what would I have done.

Before I left for the states I’d had a few problems at work and I wasn’t in a relationship at the time so I was pretty lonely too but to then go through that I didn’t really know what to do with myself when the plane hit the tarmac at Birmingham airport. I didn’t want to be here with all the problems I was having nor did I want to be anywhere else. I decided the only place I wanted to be was in my own world and I began to care less and less about what was going on around me and concerntrate on me and what I wanted out of myself. I resigned myself to being single and at work I just try and shut the rest of the world out as much as I can. At the start of the year I used to really push myself as hard as I could and keep an eye on how well I was doing. Now I go to work and do my best but I don’t push myself like I used to. Slogging your guts out is all well and good when there is a reward of some kind at the end of it but I rarely even get thanked when I do. If I’m honest I’m a bit bored of what I do since it doesn’t really push my ability to it’s limits. I spend most of my time pushing paperwork around, resetting passwords and stuff like that. I’ve also been allowed out to do some second line stuff like building PC’s, setting up new work areas and fixing printers and the like. This makes a change from the routine of first line support but still doesn’t really push me to my limits. I’d like to be doing something where I have can learn something new all the time. I pick up new things very quickly and I can see things going on that I’d like to be more involved with but I feel like it just won’t happen. I have a thirst for knowledge which is why I love working in IT because technology is constantly evolving and there is always something new to learn but right now I feel like in the middle of the desert with one tap dripping very slowly Perhaps this will change for the better but I’m just not sure how yet.

As miserable as I sound about 2009 it ended pretty well. Since I’d resigned myself to being single and stopped looking for a partner all of a sudden I find I’ve found someone I can really relate to and I get on very well with. My friends have always said I’ll find the right one when I least expect it and they were right. I suppose I couldn’t see the wood for the trees when I was looking for someone. Now I’ve found the person I want to be with the future holds a different set of challenges such as how to go about making a life together. We both have different backgrounds and trying to bring those together is going to be a challenge but one I’m looking forward to that.

As for my hobbies they will have to be scaled back a bit in 2010 to make way for all the new things in my life. I will continue to write my blog and hopefully to host it myself but it may have to survive with less time devoted to it and less space in the house. I’ve learned more than I could ever have imagined possible over the last year or so of writing a blog. It’s helped me develop my IT knowledge and even helped me improve my writing skills. There is still a great deal to learn from this experience but I’d also like to transfer those skills into my job where I can. I need to cut down on the number of machines I own and on the size of them. I currently have a whole room dedicated to my computers even if I rarely sit at my desk since having a laptop and netbook and a nice living room to sit in I have way too much stuff but perhaps I could keep a space of my own by converting the shed into somewhere I can put my machines. I feel like I’m becoming a bit like my dad in a way because his shed is a place where he can go to get out of the way. He has a small stove in there and spends his time carving a piece of wood into something useful. The only down side is the shed has to be shared with the gardening tools and the spiders. I know the sacrifices I have to make are well worth it and should pose some new scenarios to challenge me in other ways which I should be able to learn a great deal from.

I’m really looking forward to 2010 it’s looking like being a bit different to the last decade. Life goes on and I feel like I’m entering a new era all together.

It’s pretty late (4:15am) so I’m going to try and get some sleep. Tomorrow I need to get the house tidied as me and Janine are going to Janine’s sisters for the evening, then were staying at mine which is a first for us and I’ve been neglecting the cleaning a bit over Christmas so I need to get my finger out a bit.

Ben

= 6.8